I'm sorry, I just need to get this out.
To avoid sounding like a total downer, let me first update you on a couple of the exciting things that have happened in regards to our adoption. Our application has been processed and is now on file with the agency. This is really happening! We are signed up to go to a required adoption seminar in February, and our sweet friends paid for it for us. I'm actually looking forward to the seminar because I'm thinking that it will help us answer a lot of the questions that have been floating around in our heads. This weekend, we have been working on a photo book for birth moms to view when they come to the agency to choose an adoptive family. We have had a great time going through old photos and reminiscing about life since we met six-and-a-half years ago. All of the above is a fun part of the process!
Here is the part where I need to just vent for a second. We got our home study packet in the mail this week. I don't really know what I was expecting it to be, but I certainly wasn't expecting a small novel full of detailed questions for us to answer. Some of the normal questions are fine, such as, "Who is in your immediate family?", "Where did you go to school?", and "What kind of work do you do?" Others seem invasive and ridiculous. "List all traffic tickets you received during the past five years, including non-moving violations." "How much are your vehicles worth?" "Please list any and all allergies." I'm sorry, but I am failing to see how the answers to any of the last three (and equally trivial questions in the packet) have any bearing on what kind of parents we will be.
I'm not mad at Deaconess. I know that they have to ask those questions, and I do appreciate that they don't let just anyone walk in from off the street and adopt a child. Truly. I guess I'm just frustrated with the way the world works. Why doesn't anyone ask 15-year-old, unemployed Joe Schmo, who gets his girlfriend pregnant, any questions? He and his girlfriend don't have to tell anyone how much money they make, how many grades or classes they have had to repeat (?!), or what kind of auto insurance they have. They might be terrible parents, but no one questions them about any of it.
I know that all of this will be more than worth the trouble when we get to hold that sweet baby in our arms. I know that we won't have any regrets about answering five billion questions as honestly and completely as we can. I can't wait to tell our child about the process one day and say, "We did all of this for you!" (I already love that kiddo so much.) But until then... my goodness. I'm not the world's biggest fan of being under such scrutiny.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
And so it begins.
Sometimes, people really blow me away.
Two weeks ago, I blogged about beginning the adoption process. Over 400 people read that post in under 24 hours. (That has never happened before.) People who we hadn't heard from in years sent us messages of congratulations. Our families are already asking us what kinds of baby things they can buy for us. One dear friend told us that she would be paying for our home study ($1,000), while another asked to pay for the adoption seminar that we will attend through the agency ($450).
To say that I wasn't expecting this kind of response is an understatement. I spent most of that day in tears, overwhelmed by people's kindness and generosity. I'm still overwhelmed by it, honestly. When I started writing letters to Baby on January 1st, I told him/her that "you are already so loved, and people don't even know who you are." There simply are no words to express our gratitude to each of you. The idea of parenting seems much more doable, knowing that so many people will be supporting us.
Many of you know this, but some of you are new to our story: None of this is what we had planned at all. Had things gone my way, we would have had at least a one-year-old by now. But actually, I think this way is even better than what I planned. A friend told me the other day, "MR, in the grand scheme of things, yours is a small story, but it is a story that needs to be heard." And so I'm writing for me to remember how far I've already come on this journey, and for you to find hope that "when it is dark enough, you can see the stars" (Emerson).
I used to think of adoption as a "consolation prize," and now I think of it as the greatest gift one could ever receive.
I once planned my life away and then panicked when my plans fell apart. Through circumstances I would not have chosen, I have learned to become content with not knowing the future and with letting the chips fall as they may.
My self-sufficiency has been shattered to bits as I realize how much help we will need throughout this process, and how much love has always surrounded us.
The years of waiting for a baby, as well as the many costs and sacrifices involved in this journey, no doubt, will make me a more mature, more thankful mom.
I am no longer controlling about the money in our bank account. We have already spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments, and we will spend thousands more before we have a child in our arms. We will never have "enough," but we will always be just fine.
Two years ago, I had never felt more abandoned by God. Now, I have never felt more loved by him. He has turned my life upside down in order to bring me joy.
Many of you have asked questions about our adoption, so I'll do my best to answer a few of the more common ones below:
-Are you wanting a baby?
We would love to have a baby as our first child, but we are willing to take a child up to four years old.
-Do you want a boy or a girl?
Obviously, we would be thrilled with either, but we would both pick a boy if we had the choice. Boys are so fun!
-Is this an international adoption?
No. At some point, we would love to adopt from Peru, but we are currently going through an agency in Oklahoma City. Our child will most likely be born in an Oklahoma City hospital.
-If it isn't an international adoption, why does it cost so much?
We must pay a small fee to the agency for their services. The bulk of our expenses, though ($12,000+), will be for legal work that must be handled.
-What kind of timeline are you anticipating?
We honestly have no idea. One of our friends adopted a baby in four weeks! However, we are expecting our entire process to take anywhere between six months and one year from the time we completed our application. After we finish our home study, we are placed on a waiting list with the agency. Sometimes, birth moms come in when they have just found out that they are expecting, while others do not decide to put their baby up for adoption until they are eight months pregnant! In other words, this could go very quickly, or we might be waiting for several months. Either way is okay with us.
-Where are you in the process right now, and what comes next?
The agency just processed our application, so our file is active. We should receive a packet within the next few days so that we can start our home study. It is my understanding that the people conducting our home study will come to visit us two or three times before they recommend us as adoptive parents. At the beginning of February, we will go through our required adoption seminar, create our photo book, and write a letter to our child's birth mother. At that point, our photo book and letter will be on file for mothers to review and then pick us (or not). I don't really understand what happens after that point, but I am sure we will know more as we go.
Feel free to ask anything else. In case you haven't noticed, I'm basically an open book. Thanks again for all of your support thus far. We are truly blessed.
Two weeks ago, I blogged about beginning the adoption process. Over 400 people read that post in under 24 hours. (That has never happened before.) People who we hadn't heard from in years sent us messages of congratulations. Our families are already asking us what kinds of baby things they can buy for us. One dear friend told us that she would be paying for our home study ($1,000), while another asked to pay for the adoption seminar that we will attend through the agency ($450).
To say that I wasn't expecting this kind of response is an understatement. I spent most of that day in tears, overwhelmed by people's kindness and generosity. I'm still overwhelmed by it, honestly. When I started writing letters to Baby on January 1st, I told him/her that "you are already so loved, and people don't even know who you are." There simply are no words to express our gratitude to each of you. The idea of parenting seems much more doable, knowing that so many people will be supporting us.
Many of you know this, but some of you are new to our story: None of this is what we had planned at all. Had things gone my way, we would have had at least a one-year-old by now. But actually, I think this way is even better than what I planned. A friend told me the other day, "MR, in the grand scheme of things, yours is a small story, but it is a story that needs to be heard." And so I'm writing for me to remember how far I've already come on this journey, and for you to find hope that "when it is dark enough, you can see the stars" (Emerson).
I used to think of adoption as a "consolation prize," and now I think of it as the greatest gift one could ever receive.
I once planned my life away and then panicked when my plans fell apart. Through circumstances I would not have chosen, I have learned to become content with not knowing the future and with letting the chips fall as they may.
My self-sufficiency has been shattered to bits as I realize how much help we will need throughout this process, and how much love has always surrounded us.
The years of waiting for a baby, as well as the many costs and sacrifices involved in this journey, no doubt, will make me a more mature, more thankful mom.
I am no longer controlling about the money in our bank account. We have already spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments, and we will spend thousands more before we have a child in our arms. We will never have "enough," but we will always be just fine.
Two years ago, I had never felt more abandoned by God. Now, I have never felt more loved by him. He has turned my life upside down in order to bring me joy.
Many of you have asked questions about our adoption, so I'll do my best to answer a few of the more common ones below:
-Are you wanting a baby?
We would love to have a baby as our first child, but we are willing to take a child up to four years old.
-Do you want a boy or a girl?
Obviously, we would be thrilled with either, but we would both pick a boy if we had the choice. Boys are so fun!
-Is this an international adoption?
No. At some point, we would love to adopt from Peru, but we are currently going through an agency in Oklahoma City. Our child will most likely be born in an Oklahoma City hospital.
-If it isn't an international adoption, why does it cost so much?
We must pay a small fee to the agency for their services. The bulk of our expenses, though ($12,000+), will be for legal work that must be handled.
-What kind of timeline are you anticipating?
We honestly have no idea. One of our friends adopted a baby in four weeks! However, we are expecting our entire process to take anywhere between six months and one year from the time we completed our application. After we finish our home study, we are placed on a waiting list with the agency. Sometimes, birth moms come in when they have just found out that they are expecting, while others do not decide to put their baby up for adoption until they are eight months pregnant! In other words, this could go very quickly, or we might be waiting for several months. Either way is okay with us.
-Where are you in the process right now, and what comes next?
The agency just processed our application, so our file is active. We should receive a packet within the next few days so that we can start our home study. It is my understanding that the people conducting our home study will come to visit us two or three times before they recommend us as adoptive parents. At the beginning of February, we will go through our required adoption seminar, create our photo book, and write a letter to our child's birth mother. At that point, our photo book and letter will be on file for mothers to review and then pick us (or not). I don't really understand what happens after that point, but I am sure we will know more as we go.
Feel free to ask anything else. In case you haven't noticed, I'm basically an open book. Thanks again for all of your support thus far. We are truly blessed.
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