"The days are long, but the years are short."

I might add that the nights are long, too, when you have a newborn and a two-year-old.  Otherwise, the above quote from my mom couldn't be more accurate.  Yesterday was the first time in 22 years that I haven't been to a first day of school.  That was weird.  I'll go back in October, but for now, I'm staying home with my girls and trying to figure out life with a new little person in it.  Piper goes to school part-time, but Caroline and I hang out at the house.  She's a very easy baby (as far as babies go), but I'm exhausted.  When Piper is home, she's a challenge.  I know that our sweet little girl is hidden somewhere behind all of the defiance, tantrums, and accidents, but there are certainly days when I feel my body physically release all kinds of tension after she is finally in bed (following nearly an hour-long bedtime routine) and Caroline is bathed, changed, and fed.  The days do seem long.

Then I look at this precious family of mine, and I realize that God knows exactly how much I can handle.  They're not perfect, I'm not perfect, and being a mom is plain hard sometimes.  The years will be short.  But there can be joy in each moment, if I choose to look for it.

 

Caroline

After having one baby, you wonder how in the world you could possibly love another as much as the first.  And then you do.  This is the story of Caroline Grace.

On Monday, August 3rd, at 2:23 a.m., I woke up out of a dead sleep, flipped on the bedside lamp, and told Andrew, "Uh, I'm pretty sure my water just broke."  Sure enough, it had.  The prompt little lady decided that she was ready to come into the world on her exact due date.  Oddly, my body was not ready and did not go into active labor on its own.  We waited to go up to the hospital until 9:30 because I had a doctor's appointment then anyway, and he sent me across the street to Labor and Delivery.  After a couple of doses of a medication to speed up the process and working through contractions for nearly 11 hours, I still hadn't made any progress.  Eventually, I got an epidural and Pitocin and was ready to push just three hours later.  After about seven minutes of pushing, Caroline was here.  (I'll spare you the rest of the details.)  According to the nurses, I should have about seven more babies.  Right.

Most things about Caroline's birth were not at all like the movies, but the moment she came out was every bit the same.  Andrew and I burst into tears immediately, and our hearts were so full of love that we thought they would explode.  Suddenly, all of the annoyances of pregnancy and the pains of childbirth were worth everything.

Piper was a miracle because she made me a mother for the first time, and this child is a miracle because she beat the odds.  Doctors said she wouldn't be here.  I remember staring at Piper in disbelief during her first days home because I couldn't believe that she was mine.  The feelings are identical with Caroline.

Being home has been hard, honestly.  Caroline is an unbelievably easy, sweet baby, and I couldn't be more thankful.  Piper has had a hard time adjusting, which I should have expected more than I did.  Every day gets a little less difficult, which gives me hope that our well-mannered, thoughtful two-year-old will soon make her return.  For now, though, our "new normal" is tough.  One of the best parts of this experience has been having Andrew by my side the whole time.  I'm dreading when he has to go back to work next week.  During labor and delivery, he was my rock, and he continues to be steady and patient during the trials of parenting and my flip-flopping hormones.  He reminds me that I'm beautiful when all I feel lately is swollen and sore.  I've been more attracted to him in the past few days than I have been since we've known each other.  Things will get easier, I'm sure.

We found out about Caroline just a few weeks following the hardest moments we have ever endured as a couple.  There was never any debate about her name; it literally took us about five minutes to decide what she would be called if she was a girl.  Caroline: "joyful song".  It is based on Psalm 126, and one of my favorite hymns that we sing at church:

"Our mouths, they were filled, filled with laughter

Our tongues they were loosed, loosed with joy

Restore us, O Lord,

Restore us, O Lord,

Although we are weeping, 

Lord, help us keep sowing the seeds of your kingdom

For the day you will reap them

Your sheaves we will carry, 

Lord, please do not tarry, 

All those who sow weeping will go out with songs of joy."

Truly, He has filled us with joy a hundred times over through this precious child, the perfect addition to our little family.