I ran cross country in high school and completed my first half marathon during my sophomore year of college. Since then (2008), I have run four to five times per week, including a nine mile run the day that I went into labor and a two mile run only ten days after giving birth. (Ladies, that is NOT a good idea! I had read all of these blogs about runner moms hitting the pavement again after bringing a baby into the world only a few days prior, but that ended VERY badly for me. Don't buy into everything you read.)
All of that to say: This is my first significant period of time without running in over eight years. Plantar fasciitis and a soft tissue stress injury have me sidelined indefinitely.
"You can try running in 14 days, but realistically, you might not be healed for 6-8 more weeks," said the doctor.
"When is your marathon?"
November 6.
"Yeah, I don't know if I would go for that."
I briefly thought about attempting a half marathon instead of the full for which I had registered, but I decided against it. I know myself well enough to know that, if I planned to run a half, I would push through 13 miles in excruciating pain instead of letting my foot heal completely. When I set my mind to something, I am typically so stubborn that I will complete it regardless of the cost to myself or others around me. That's how I got hurt in the first place. My friend made me a marathon training schedule a few months ago, and I was determined to stick with it. She is amazing and accidentally qualified for the Boston Marathon after not running a marathon for 14 years (who does that?!), so I think she overestimated my abilities. I made it a goal, though, to run every mile on the schedule at the paces she prescribed. This was stupid.
It sounds ridiculous to say out loud, but I always knew that I would seriously struggle if God ever took away my ability to run. "It would be one of the greatest losses," I've admitted on more than one occasion. Running does help me clear my head, but it is also wrapped up in the struggle I've had with an eating disorder since my gymnastics days, and I can easily find my sole identity in being a runner. These past two weeks without running have been challenging but also a gift. I never thought I would say that. I've learned so much by resting:
-Nobody cares how much I run except for me.
-It is not a waste of time to do yoga or work out in the living room. Running is a good workout, but it is not the only good workout.
-It is not a waste of time to go out and run for a mile or two instead of 5+.
-I will not gain 10 pounds if I don't run for awhile. I haven't run for two weeks, and I haven't gained even five pounds. I haven't gained any pounds! And even if I had, probably no one would care except for me.
-Sometimes, there are legitimate excuses for not working out. There comes a point when pushing through pain is idiotic. For me, it takes greater mental strength to say "no" to a race than to complete it and jeopardize my health and sanity.
-I don't have to qualify for the Boston Marathon before I turn 30. Or ever. No one will care about that except for me.
-I should like to go run! In the weeks preceding the doctor visit when I was told that I wasn't allowed to run, I hated running. Stabbing pains shot through my foot and up my leg with every step, and I dreaded putting in my daily miles. Life is too short to waste on activities that aren't pleasant! Now that I have had some time off and the weather is nice, I think that I could enjoy running again.
-I am a runner, but I am also a billion other things apart from being a runner, most of which are far more important.
Finding Freedom is the name of this blog, and I feel like I have found freedom in so many areas of my life lately, except for running...until now. I guess my ability to run had to be taken away in order for me to see that I don't need it to define me. Through this injury, God has made one of my greatest fears, however irrational, become a reality...and I'm okay.
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| Best running buddy ever. Miss you, JZ! |
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| My favorite cheerleader (and a 24-week Baby Caroline). |
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| Second best running buddy ever ;). |
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