A Decade

Dear Andrew,

Ten years ago today, we sat down on the couch at your little college duplex and had the "DTR Talk."  (That's "Define The Relationship", for those reading who weren't born in the 80s.  Do people do that anymore??)  We had been on several dates, but on this day, November 14, 2006, you asked me to be your girlfriend.  I wonder if you knew, then, how much that simple question, that invitation into your life, would change my life forever.

This recent fall weather has made me nostalgic about our college days together.  From the beginning, our relationship has been a series of unlikely events.  I met you during my first week at the University of Oklahoma, when I was on a date with someone else.  Sparks flew for you, but I didn't give you, the long-haired hippie, another thought for awhile.  Through a physics class and too many late night games of ultimate frisbee, I learned that you were funny, kind-hearted, and indifferent to the opinions of others.  I liked you so much that I said "yes" to our first date...which you asked me about in a Facebook message(!), knowing wholeheartedly that my parents would never approve.

When I wrecked my car and my beloved granddad passed away within my first month of being away from home, it was you who came to my rescue, both literally (you picked me up off the side of the road in Oklahoma City) and metaphorically.  It has always been that way- me, the crazy girl losing her mind over commonly trivial but occasionally significant circumstances, and you, remaining constant, empathetic, and present.

During the first two months of dating, the center where I had donated plasma called and told me that there was a problem with my plasma.  I had tested positive for HIV (which ended up being an extremely rare false positive, but I didn't know that at the time).  As I sat in the parking lot sobbing, I tried to wrap my mind around how it was even possible for me to contract this disease and then how I was going to tell you this earth-shattering news.  Later in the evening, I sat down on that same "DTR couch" and spilled the message that could potentially ruin so many of your plans.  You gave me a hug, and then you chose me anyway.

That was, perhaps, the first instance of "dying to self" for my sake, but in the 36,503 days that have followed the initial invitation to be your girl, there have been hundreds of "choosing me anyways".  You pursued me in my inability to communicate, my throwing the ring in your face a few weeks after we got engaged, our infertility and my anger, my depression, my wandering from you and from God, and even my desire to not be married to you anymore.  I've given you a thousand reasons to let me go, and you haven't given up once.      

I have no idea what we were doing for the first eight years of our relationship, but I know that it is grace which initially brought us together and has held us through some tremendous heartache.  The past two years with you have made me excited to wake up by your side for the next 50, as you've shown me a love that I never knew existed.  It was easy to say "I do" at the age of 21, when we looked perfect and had experienced few trials of significance.  It was not so easy to keep committing when everything hit the fan.  Though still in our twenties at our vow renewal ceremony two summers ago, we understood (at least to a much greater degree) what it means to love someone "for better or for worse" because we had experienced the "worse" part of the equation.  Ours is an unlikely story of redemption in a thousand different ways, and I'm somehow grateful for all of the ups and downs that God has used to build the relationship we have today.

I can't remember where we first heard this phrase that we've made our own...maybe at a marriage conference?  Anyway, the speaker was talking about the ease of loving people who seemingly are flawless.  But then, you really get to know them, and you see the gross little blemishes that everyone has, and you must decide if you are going to love them, "warts and all".  On the days when I doubt that I am worthy of love, worthy of your time, and worthy of this beautiful life that we have, you remind me that you see all of me...and you're still here.  Thank you for loving me the way that you do, "warts and all."  One decade down, hopefully five more to go.

Love you through it all,

MR    

Our first "real" date- BYX Date Party- September 2006.
I can't believe I'm posting this embarrassing picture.  We were an 80's couple.

Date Party- 2007?

Carving pumpkins- 2008?

Our engagement in Chicago- July 9, 2008

Engagement

OU football game (late college)

Our wedding day- July 11, 2009 (They let babies get married!)

Vow Renewal Ceremony- July 11, 2015