Last night, we had some friends over who are in a very similar situation as us. They are newly married, he is in school, she is working full-time and feeling overwhelmed, many of their friends have moved away... all factors which prompted a conversation about how different our lives are now than they were a year ago.
In school, most of my decisions affected only me. Will I sleep a little later and study less for that test? Will I go to this meeting tonight or should I go to the gym instead? One of the most important things about school- my grades- didn't matter to anyone but myself. Now it seems that almost everything I do affects someone else, and often my decisions affect multiple people. If I forget to tell my kids about a fire drill, someone throws a fit when the alarm sounds. If I don't send a note home that gymnastics is tomorrow, someone wears a dress and off I go to round up some sort of alternative attire. More importantly, if I run out of time to cover a subject, it's the kids who suffer. Suddenly, every decision I make seems significant. And now, not being perfect bothers me more than ever.
Furthermore, the community of friends which fell into my lap in college has proved to be much more difficult to acquire in a professional setting. I have wonderful aides, and there are some wonderful people who work at my school, but despite the fact that I spend 8+ hours of my day with these people, I still feel as if I hardly know most of them. There simply isn't time to have the kinds of life conversations that just happened during a study session or a late game night. At work, there is only time to talk about the here and now- "Where does Seth need to be right now" or "Did Jason's homework folder make it back to school today?"
Finally, I always thought I was so busy in college and now I am realizing that I had no idea what busy was. Usually the longest I sit down during the day is for about 15 minutes at lunch. I have about seventeen things racing through my mind at any given time and also have a to-do list which literally never ends. When I wake up, I think about school. When I come home, I work on school. And then what I used to consider my life (seeing friends, going to bible study, running, etc.) takes up the last and tiniest piece of the pie. I'm hoping that will change to some degree as the year goes by and I feel a little less like I'm drowning.
I love to walk around the campus of OU still. There is something so stimulating about being at an institution of higher learning and thinking, "Great minds are being enriched here. People go out from here to do things that change lives." But there are also many things about my job which suit me. Sometimes I complain about being busy, but honestly, I like being busy. I love the challenge that my job brings because there is hope for overcoming obstacles, and it prevents boredom and monotony. This may be one of the hardest and best things I've done.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Thought on School [4]
So, I'm not sure if all of this entry could really be considered "thoughts on school," but here goes my random collection of the thoughts that seem to run through my mind and get all smashed together these days...
It's been another crazy week at Roosevelt Elementary. I am trying to think of a time in my life when I have ever been more tired, and I can't think of one. This morning, I woke up at 9:30, and it was absolutely glorious. I have been trying to go to bed early during the week, but my mind never stops thinking about school, so I often lay in bed wide awake despite the fact that my body is exhausted. The weather is still too hot to go for a run right after school, so if I want to get my workout in for the day, I wake up at 5:00. Usually by the time I am leaving school (a couple of hours after the kids have gone home), I am out of energy and patience. Poor Andrew.
Aside from being constantly tired and having about 6,000 things to do, I suppose one could say that things are going fairly well at school. Having my own classroom has made a HUGE difference, and sometimes the kids are hilarious. I find myself trying to stifle laughter sometimes when I should be telling the children "that's not how we act at school."
Andrew is loving his new job. I got to go see his office last night, and it is beautiful. It seems like a much more relaxed environment than PayCom was, and I think he will be happy here. He is also loving seminary. Hearing him come home and talk about everything he is learning makes me wish that I was able to take seminary classes. Andrew is very busy, too. Sometimes I feel like we hardly see each other or know what is going on in each others' lives despite the fact that we live in the same house.
Our friends, Adam and Erica, stayed with us last weekend because they are now living in Fort Worth. It was fun to have them here. This weekend, we are doing nothing! Saturdays of waking up whenever we want, making pancakes, and watching college football are rare around here, and we are more thankful for them now than we ever have been. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE gamedays here in Norman? The whole town just comes alive. That will be one of the things I miss most when we move someday down the road.
Last Sunday, Tim (my brother) got in a terrible car accident in which he hydroplaned off the road, flipped his car, and broke out both windshields. He walked away with a cut on his toe. I was reminded of 1. how wonderful God is to take care of his people and 2. how thankful I am for my brother.
We have a mole living in our front yard. It is funny but actually quite annoying because we keep finding random piles of dirt everywhere. I also made these things to go in our "Sooner" guest room. Neither of those things are very interesting notes to end on, but I think I am finished blogging for today.
In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
It's been another crazy week at Roosevelt Elementary. I am trying to think of a time in my life when I have ever been more tired, and I can't think of one. This morning, I woke up at 9:30, and it was absolutely glorious. I have been trying to go to bed early during the week, but my mind never stops thinking about school, so I often lay in bed wide awake despite the fact that my body is exhausted. The weather is still too hot to go for a run right after school, so if I want to get my workout in for the day, I wake up at 5:00. Usually by the time I am leaving school (a couple of hours after the kids have gone home), I am out of energy and patience. Poor Andrew.
Aside from being constantly tired and having about 6,000 things to do, I suppose one could say that things are going fairly well at school. Having my own classroom has made a HUGE difference, and sometimes the kids are hilarious. I find myself trying to stifle laughter sometimes when I should be telling the children "that's not how we act at school."
Andrew is loving his new job. I got to go see his office last night, and it is beautiful. It seems like a much more relaxed environment than PayCom was, and I think he will be happy here. He is also loving seminary. Hearing him come home and talk about everything he is learning makes me wish that I was able to take seminary classes. Andrew is very busy, too. Sometimes I feel like we hardly see each other or know what is going on in each others' lives despite the fact that we live in the same house.
Our friends, Adam and Erica, stayed with us last weekend because they are now living in Fort Worth. It was fun to have them here. This weekend, we are doing nothing! Saturdays of waking up whenever we want, making pancakes, and watching college football are rare around here, and we are more thankful for them now than we ever have been. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE gamedays here in Norman? The whole town just comes alive. That will be one of the things I miss most when we move someday down the road.
Last Sunday, Tim (my brother) got in a terrible car accident in which he hydroplaned off the road, flipped his car, and broke out both windshields. He walked away with a cut on his toe. I was reminded of 1. how wonderful God is to take care of his people and 2. how thankful I am for my brother.
We have a mole living in our front yard. It is funny but actually quite annoying because we keep finding random piles of dirt everywhere. I also made these things to go in our "Sooner" guest room. Neither of those things are very interesting notes to end on, but I think I am finished blogging for today.
Mary Rachel
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Thoughts on School [3]
People are unbelievable. Really. Some are unbelievably rude, arrogant, etc. But lately, I have been reminded of how unbelievably kind, encouraging, and uplifting people can be. It's a great thing to remember.
The start of this school year has been hard. I think I knew it would be, but knowledge doesn't always prepare you for the future. The other day, my mom asked me if I've thought of a way to explain to people why special ed is so crazy, and after thinking about it for a minute, I answered, "I think because nothing ever goes the way you think it will." This has been my story since the start of school, but I'm convinced that crazy does not necessarily means bad. I think I'm starting to become satisfied with crazy because:
1. I'm realizing how much people care. Some of the teachers at my school have really gone out of their way to encourage me and tell me I'm doing a great job (whether I am or not!). These little words mean so much to me and help keep me going.
2. I'm becoming more flexible. A personality test at inservice this week confirmed what I've always known about myself- that I am highly organized, obsessive, structured, and often controlling or unbending. It's good for me to be stretched.
3. I'm learning to let people help me. (Yikes!) I am discovering that I will literally drown and/or have a meltdown every day if I do not ask for help.
4. I'm realizing that I cannot be perfect- and it's okay not to be!
I'm finding it easier to have a positive attitude about school. Despite the meltdowns of students, projectile vomiting, and quitting of one of my aides this week, I have been so much happier than I was at the beginning of the year. All of this can only be attributed to Christ, who is the reason I know I will be okay. :-)
Other news, briefly:
-Andrew is at a church conference in North Carolina this weekend. I'll miss him, but he has been looking forward to this thing for weeks now. Matt Chandler, John Piper, and others will be there. I'm a little jealous!
-Andrew starts a new job on Tuesday. After starting the bus driver thing, another opportunity randomly landed upon his lap. Andrew interviewed for the position and got it! He'll be working about 27 hours each week for a company called QuiBids. It's an online company, and Andrew will be doing product research. He is much more excited to have this job than to be driving buses, and I'm excited about the fact that he could possibly end up working from home one day!
-We got to spend Labor Day weekend with my parents. It is always so refreshing to be at their house! We also saw Andrew's family on Monday. A weekend of basically nothing was exactly what we needed.
-Last night, I started leading a bible study with two other girls from church. We're studying Tim Keller's Counterfeit Gods. I think it will be a good one!
In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
The start of this school year has been hard. I think I knew it would be, but knowledge doesn't always prepare you for the future. The other day, my mom asked me if I've thought of a way to explain to people why special ed is so crazy, and after thinking about it for a minute, I answered, "I think because nothing ever goes the way you think it will." This has been my story since the start of school, but I'm convinced that crazy does not necessarily means bad. I think I'm starting to become satisfied with crazy because:
1. I'm realizing how much people care. Some of the teachers at my school have really gone out of their way to encourage me and tell me I'm doing a great job (whether I am or not!). These little words mean so much to me and help keep me going.
2. I'm becoming more flexible. A personality test at inservice this week confirmed what I've always known about myself- that I am highly organized, obsessive, structured, and often controlling or unbending. It's good for me to be stretched.
3. I'm learning to let people help me. (Yikes!) I am discovering that I will literally drown and/or have a meltdown every day if I do not ask for help.
4. I'm realizing that I cannot be perfect- and it's okay not to be!
I'm finding it easier to have a positive attitude about school. Despite the meltdowns of students, projectile vomiting, and quitting of one of my aides this week, I have been so much happier than I was at the beginning of the year. All of this can only be attributed to Christ, who is the reason I know I will be okay. :-)
Other news, briefly:
-Andrew is at a church conference in North Carolina this weekend. I'll miss him, but he has been looking forward to this thing for weeks now. Matt Chandler, John Piper, and others will be there. I'm a little jealous!
-Andrew starts a new job on Tuesday. After starting the bus driver thing, another opportunity randomly landed upon his lap. Andrew interviewed for the position and got it! He'll be working about 27 hours each week for a company called QuiBids. It's an online company, and Andrew will be doing product research. He is much more excited to have this job than to be driving buses, and I'm excited about the fact that he could possibly end up working from home one day!
-We got to spend Labor Day weekend with my parents. It is always so refreshing to be at their house! We also saw Andrew's family on Monday. A weekend of basically nothing was exactly what we needed.
-Last night, I started leading a bible study with two other girls from church. We're studying Tim Keller's Counterfeit Gods. I think it will be a good one!
In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thoughts on School [2]
I think I could love my job. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but probably soon.
This week for the first time, I have not felt like I am drowning. I wouldn't say that I hated going to work before, but the feeling of never getting a chance to breathe did not exactly make me like what I was doing. Thankfully, I got the support I needed in the addition of a new teacher's aide- my friend, Amanda Willis. Having an extra person in the room makes everyone's day so much more manageable and enjoyable. My students are charming, and actually getting to spend some time with them this week has changed my whole perspective on my job! Oh, I still come every day and am ready to crash basically as soon as dinner is over. It's exhausting to chase kids around all day and try to calm them when they are having meltdowns, but this week I have actually been happy that I took this job instead of just grateful to have a job.
One unfortunate thing I have noticed is that my work has made me extremely forgetful of anything not related to work. Normally, I am very organized (too organized, maybe), but I have so much on my mind with school that I haven't left room for organization elsewhere I guess. I forgot a friend's birthday this week. :-( I also forgot to buy insurance. I woke up yesterday and realized that I hadn't had health insurance for over a week! I meant to buy it awhile ago and then never thought about it until yesterday. God is very gracious, and thankfully nothing happened! I also forgot that we were getting cable for football season installed today. I turned on the TV when I got home and could not figure out how we got so many channels.
Now, off to my parents' house for the four day weekend! Happy Labor Day, everyone!
In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
This week for the first time, I have not felt like I am drowning. I wouldn't say that I hated going to work before, but the feeling of never getting a chance to breathe did not exactly make me like what I was doing. Thankfully, I got the support I needed in the addition of a new teacher's aide- my friend, Amanda Willis. Having an extra person in the room makes everyone's day so much more manageable and enjoyable. My students are charming, and actually getting to spend some time with them this week has changed my whole perspective on my job! Oh, I still come every day and am ready to crash basically as soon as dinner is over. It's exhausting to chase kids around all day and try to calm them when they are having meltdowns, but this week I have actually been happy that I took this job instead of just grateful to have a job.
One unfortunate thing I have noticed is that my work has made me extremely forgetful of anything not related to work. Normally, I am very organized (too organized, maybe), but I have so much on my mind with school that I haven't left room for organization elsewhere I guess. I forgot a friend's birthday this week. :-( I also forgot to buy insurance. I woke up yesterday and realized that I hadn't had health insurance for over a week! I meant to buy it awhile ago and then never thought about it until yesterday. God is very gracious, and thankfully nothing happened! I also forgot that we were getting cable for football season installed today. I turned on the TV when I got home and could not figure out how we got so many channels.
Now, off to my parents' house for the four day weekend! Happy Labor Day, everyone!
In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
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