A Lesson in Humility

Do you ever think that you're invincible?  You know, that you can do anything without getting hurt, worn down, or burned out?  Yeah, me neither. *Ahem.*

After running a marathon, the state of my foot has been a simple reminder that I can't do it all.  A couple of mornings ago, I nearly threw up when I stepped out of bed because the top of my foot hurt so badly.  (Thankfully, I think it is just swollen and not a stress fracture.  It still feels miserable.)  But a sore foot wasn't enough to stop me from going out for a run. I thought to myself, "Hey, I ran a marathon 2 days ago.  I think I'll go run 9 miles this morning.  Ain't no thang!" Wrong.  Not only did my foot hurt worse than ever, but my toenail fell off as soon as I got home because there was a huge blister underneath and my socks were bloody from another blister on my pinky toe.  Oh, and I didn't even end up running 9 miles.  Surprise, Mary Rachel!  You can't do it all.

I left the Band-aids on for everyone's sake.

I'm not just this way about running.

"Hey Mary Rachel, can you blah blah blah at such and such time?"
"Oh sure, I already have another commitment at that time, but I'll just be in two places at once of course!"

When I needed to score well on a test in college, I'd just study my little heart out at the expense of everything else and I'd make an A.

If my kids at work ever need anything, I pour my soul into my job, often neglecting my husband, my friends, and even my personal well-being.  But by golly, I make sure my job is done well.

There is value in living this way, to a certain extent only.  It's good to work hard.  It's good to not be lazy.  But it's not good to always be trusting in your own strength to get things done, because you WILL get worn out and you WILL fail sometimes.

As the school year is coming to a close (just 3 more short weeks!), I can't help but thinking how, like my foot, the whole year has been a huge lesson in humility.  I feel like I have found a reasonable balance in my life for the first time in ages.  I still err on the side of busyness just for the sake of being busy, but I am doing better.  The humility lesson comes in the fact that I often feel guilty for leaving work when the half day is over because, surprise!, I can't solve the world's problems in the short amount of time I am there.  (Newsflash, MR, you couldn't solve the world's problems even if you were there all day.)  I think back to last year when I was literally falling apart and how I just kept going because I thought I was invincible.  This year hasn't been quite like that, but I often find myself trying to justify the reasons why I am not constantly busy, when it really needs no justification.  I've been humbled in learning that my job, and most other things in my life, really aren't dependent on how how well I perform.  I'm not "super wife," super runner," or "super teacher." For awhile that wasn't okay with me, but it's more okay now than it ever has been.

All of this said, I'm actually going back to working full time next year.  I hope that I can somehow maintain the balance and remember the lessons that I've learned this year.  Until then, you'll probably find me erring on the side of laziness with a book in hand by the pool.  Being a teacher certainly has its perks in the summertime.  :-)