It has become very apparent to me in recent days that I do not know how to rest.
I know, resting seems like it should come naturally. Not for me. Two days after my surgery, I went back to work and was already freaking out about laundry, behavior intervention plans, catching up on lesson plans, and cleaning our "dirty" house. (If you've ever been to our house, you've probably noticed that I have some OCD tendencies when it comes to cleaning.) Four days after surgery, I set out to run 18 miles. (My body quit after seven.) It has now been two weeks since the operation, and I'm back to working 60-70 hour weeks, running 4-5 times per week, and trying to somehow fit in all of the other things that every "good wife" does.
I lost my keys a couple of days ago, only to find them in my running shoes. This morning, I got almost 15 minutes away from the house before realizing that not only had I left my lunch in the fridge, but I also wasn't wearing any shoes. Do you think I'm trying to do too much?
Why do important things often seem so urgent?
Why are our friends/significant others often better judges of our own stress levels than we are?
Why can't I just...slow...down?
I'm not sure of the answers to any of those questions. I'm just hoping to find some sort of balance. Work is important, but I don't want to be defined by my job. Running is good for me, but maybe not when my body is in recovery mode. A clean house is wonderful, but no one feels very comfortable in a museum.
Sometimes, I get mad at Andrew for sitting on the couch and watching a show instead of running around like a chicken with his head cut off. I often think that everyone should operate in the same way that I do, and that people are lazy if they do not. This, I realize, is unfair and ridiculous (and my mode of operation doesn't work well anyway).
Resting. I want this to happen more often. For starters, I backed out of the marathon that I was supposed to run in November. If you know me at all, that is sad and disappointing... and also a huge step in the right direction.
God wants you to rest, sweet friend. Not just after surgery.....on a regular basis. Be Still and Know that He is God.
ReplyDeleteI was just like you when I was your age (seems like forever ago) and I can still get caught up in the gravel slinging on occasion, but I always try to ask myself, "When I am at the end of my life, will this have been worth it?" One of my friends once shared this with me: "If it doesn't matter for eternity, does it really matter?"
A lot of have things HAVE to be done eventually....like cleaning your house, getting groceries, running. But, not everything needs to be done NOW or FIRST.
Take the time for the things that matter and make them a priority.
And, remember, people don't come to your house to see your house...they come to see you.
Praying for balance and peace and God-glorifying priorities!!
Love you....come visit us!!
OK, I'm laughing... not wearing shoes. I've heard that multi-tasking leads to Alzheimer's... that's a motivator for slowing down! Love you, Sweetie.
ReplyDelete