On New Year's Day, Piper and her birth mom met for the first time since Piper was born 2.5 years ago. I would love to post pictures, but, out of respect for Anna, I'll refrain.
Adoption is so weird and wonderful. I have a really hard time putting that day into words, so this is probably all going to be "word vomit," but I feel like it's such a big event that it's worth recording.
Piper and her birth mom look exactly the same. Even some of their mannerisms are the same. It is very strange, and kind of sad, to look at the precious child who lives with you and realize that you two share no similar features. No one will ever look at Piper in a crowd and think, "She belongs to that lady (me)." Likewise, I'm sure that it is very strange, and kind of sad, for Anna to look at the child who is her little "mini-me" and hear her call me, "Mommy."
Anna has another baby now, Olivia, who lives with her. Olivia came to the meeting day with her dad (not Piper's birth father) and Anna, so Piper got to meet her half sister. She is about two months younger than Caroline (our youngest), who was also there.
We met at Pop's (a restaurant in Oklahoma City with thousands of flavors of soda bottles on the walls). We all ate, Piper decided that she hates soda because "it's spicy", and Anna walked around with her, read to her (Piper's favorite activity), and bought her a jumbo lollipop that Piper talked about for days. We chatted for awhile, and then the babies got fussy, so we all went back to our two separate homes. On the way home, Piper said, "Miss Anna. She's so nice."
It was a happy day for everyone, but also a reminder of loss on both ends. I would venture to guess that the evening was harder for Anna than it was for us. I don't think she ever questions her decision because of the position that she was in at the time of giving Piper to us, but I know that my heart would ache if I ever heard Caroline talk about her adventures with a "Mommy" who wasn't me.
How do you explain these things to a toddler? Honestly, I have no idea. I'm not sure that we're doing it "right", so I just pray that God will use the few good words that come out of my mouth to speak to Piper's heart and cover over my mistakes. We tell her that, just like Mommy had Caroline in her tummy and then Caroline came out and lived with us, Piper was in Miss Anna's tummy and then she came out and lived with us. We also tell her that Olivia came out of Miss Anna's tummy, too, but she lives with Miss Anna. We tell her that Miss Anna loves her very much, and that Miss Anna is very special. We've used the term "birth mom," but Piper really doesn't understand that. We are trying to be open and honest with Piper about her adoption because we feel that if we hide this from her, she won't be able to trust us down the road, about this or anything else. We also think that by our keeping her adoption a secret, Piper will miss out on knowing someone (Anna) who is so cherished by our whole family.
On the way out that day, Anna cried and gave me a long, tight hug. She said, "She (Piper) really is awesome. Thank you for letting me see her." I find it hard to believe that she would need to thank me for letting her see the child that she birthed, just as it seems weird to me that people think we are so generous for having an open adoption. To me, I can't imagine it being any other way. I have the attitude that God has gifted me with both of my children, and at the end of the day, they belong to Him anyway. I don't want to hold onto my children so tightly that I fear them loving or spending time with someone else. I am hopeful that we will see Anna more in the future, as the proverbial ice has been broken now, and that this is just the start of a beautiful relationship with the rest of Piper's family.
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