Him: So, do you have any big plans this weekend?
Me: No, not really. I have two little girls at home, so they keep me pretty busy. We'll probably just hang around the house.
Him: You have two kids already? How old were you when you had your first? (Apparently I look like a baby.)
Me: We adopted my daughter when I was 25, and now we have a six-month-old.
Him: Wow, you must have been really mature to have adopted a child at 25. I'm nowhere near mature enough for that.
Me: I suppose if you wait until you're ready, you'd never do it.
Him: That is an interesting point. Your lifestyle sounds so different from mine.
My lifestyle probably is a lot different from his. Before we had kids, waking up at 4:30 on weekdays and 6:00 (if I'm lucky) on weekends sounded absurd. I would come home after work on Fridays, grab a glass of wine or a snack, and watch two hours of "Say Yes to the Dress" before Andrew even got home. I stayed up late, and most weekends were packed with social activities such as movies, car races, or parties.
After Piper was born, I knew I had never loved any human except my husband more than I loved her, and I had also never been more exhausted. Having a newborn takes every ounce of your attention and sleep because they literally cannot do anything for themselves. So, we planned to wait until Piper was in Pre-K, when childcare would be free and she would be more self-sufficient, to start the adoption process again. God had other plans, and Caroline was born shortly after Piper turned two. And that is when I figured out the true meaning of "busy" and "sleep-deprived". When people say that the adjustment of going from one child to two is far greater than the adjustment of going from no children to one, they really mean it. There truly is never a moment (except sometimes in the middle of the night, and even that isn't guaranteed) when someone doesn't need something.
I probably wasn't "really mature" when we adopted Piper (I'm probably still not!). I've heard lots of people say, "I'm too selfish to have kids" or "I enjoy my personal time/space too much" or "I'm too busy for kids" or "Kids are too expensive," and I would say that probably all of those things are true- about the people talking and about me. I'm selfish, I do enjoy my own time, kids are expensive, and a full-time job in itself is enough to keep anyone busy.
Having kids is hard, and my life is so different than it used to be, but it's also one of the most joyful things I've ever done. Sometimes I wish for a morning to sleep in until 8:00, a date with my husband, or, my goodness, just one quiet moment(!), but I don't ever wish for my old life back. My children force me to be less selfish, better with my time, more patient, and less tight-fisted with my money. At the end of the day, they've taught me to be a better person in general, and at the end of my life, I know I won't look back and think, "I wish I had had less time with them and more time doing my own thing." Some days, I think my heart will burst from a little smile of Caroline's, and then Piper says, "I love you, Mommy," and it does.
Children might not be for everyone, and I certainly don't think that there should be an expectation to have a certain number of kids. Some people are great with five kids, and I am not one of them. But if you're waiting until the stars align or until you are "ready" for a first baby (or a second or third), just know that you're always going to be selfish and immature and that your parents were, no doubt, selfish and immature when they had you, and they probably had no money at one point and they probably seemed boring and socially inadequate when you and your siblings were little...and you made it and they made it, and everyone learned a whole lot along the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment