Don't get me wrong; I love a good party, my three family members are definitely worth celebrating, and the summer's events were wonderful successes. However, I do not foresee any more Pinterest parties in my future for a long, long, time.
There's this thing called "Mom Guilt" by many, but you don't have to be a mom to experience it. It's really just comparison. Her kids have nicer clothes than mine do. Their house is gorgeous, and ours is okay. Her kid eats organic tofu, and mine just ate three donuts.
The problem with comparison, aside from it being "the thief of joy" (Teddy Roosevelt), is that it causes us to draw inaccurate conclusions about someone's life based on what can be seen. My friend and I always joke about some of the signs that Hobby Lobby sells for this reason.
"Pardon the mess but my children are making memories."
"Good moms have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, and happy kids."
So, does that mean that my children aren't making memories if they aren't making messes? Or that they aren't happy if my house is clean? I often find myself thinking, "Since they have a nicer house than us, they must have a better life." And on the flip side, "Because I planned the best games and bought the fanciest decorations, my child will have the perfect party."When we visited my parents several weeks ago, my mom pulled out an old recording (side note: on VHS!) of my brother's first birthday party. There were precisely five people sitting around the table. Tim wore a party hat on his head and cake on his face. My parents told stories and laughed with my granddad. I ate ice cream (no elaboration needed on that one). There were no decorations, no gourmet hors d'ouevres, and no handmade party favors. The whole shindig was just us, celebrating Tim, and eating dessert. Tim was having the time of his little life.
Fast forward 25 years to Piper's third birthday party in June of this year. I spent literally hours in the kitchen making her silly s'mores cake, when she truly prefers ice cream and has no opinion on the appearance of her "special treats". The "Camp Piper" theme exploded all over our house, thanks, in large part to the 28 pins that I had meticulously been sorting through and saving all summer. The party looked flawless and went off without a hitch.
I didn't get a single picture with my daughter that whole day. Not one. Embarrassingly, I have 15 pictures of the party decorations. I have become so preoccupied with planning experiences that I miss out on the actual experiences entirely.
I am sure that Pinterest is not a problem for most people, but it fuels something in me that whispers, "You can do it better. Use all of these ingenious ideas, and your kids will have the happiest birthdays, your husband will love every dinner you cook, and your hair will be the envy of all of the women on the street." Comparison. Thief of joy. Illogical conclusions.
I do frequently compare myself to other people and, obviously, to Pinterest ideas (which is really comparing myself to other people, too), but lately I have noticed that I also compare myself to previous and/or future versions of myself. I am rarely thankful for who He has made me to be in this moment.
An example of this is grades. I do not often talk about this next confession because I think that it leads people to believe certain things about me that I am not, but I graduated from college with a 4.0 in 3.5 years. Now that I have started back to school for dental hygiene, a terrible, irrational fear lives in the dark places of my heart that I will make a B along the way, and that I will be a failure because of it. I am comparing my current self to when I had no husband, no kids, and no job, and suggesting, "You did it then. You're somehow worse if you can't do it now."
Though I need to remind myself of these truths more, I am thankful that my children's lives do not consist in the quality of their birthday parties, or that my worth is determined by my grades. (I am also thankful that the next person in our family to have a birthday is me, in 10 more months.) Incidentally, I remembered to take a picture of something beside decorations at Caroline's Carnival yesterday. That's progress, people.
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