I do not like change.
Some of my family members and friends change directions with the wind, it seems, traveling to a new location for school or a job, only to stay there for several months. Their exciting careers provide different schedules every day, and they not only roll with the punches but seem to enjoy them. I, on the other hand, am about as predictable as the sunrise. Many people would become bored with my calculated routine and defined diet, but I would be okay with waking up at 5:00 a.m. and eating PB&Js for lunch every day for the rest of my life. Throw me a curve ball like lasagna or a power outage, and I don't know what to do. I'd like to think of this character trait as "contentedness," but "inflexibility" is probably the more accurate term.
Within the last few months, we became members at a new church. Let me reiterate: I do not like change. This change was especially challenging because I loved our old church. Had we left because we had been hurt or upset, the transition would have been easier, or at least more clear-cut. We left primarily because we felt that it was important for our family to do community in the town where we live instead of driving 30 minutes to be with people who, for the most part, are exactly like us.
When we first started coming to Providence Road, I was encouraged to hear the gospel preached so emphatically and to be welcomed immediately by kind people who seem to genuinely love Jesus. But I missed so many other things about our old church that I struggled to worship in our new one until recently. I wanted to sing only hymns all the time like at City Pres. I missed hearing the call and response after a Scripture was read: "This is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God!" I felt awkward at the end of the service when I lifted my hands to receive the benediction and no one else did (I only did that once). The communion stuff was just grape juice. These weren't my people, and why can we not sit quietly before the service begins instead of gathering in the back? Also, where are the people with gray hair? I guess I'm sort of an old soul myself. Liturgy speaks to my heart, and Prov Road is anything but liturgical.
What I have had to realize is that most of the things I miss about City Pres are truly preferences and not convictions. We stand convicted that we need to be in a church in Norman where the gospel is proclaimed boldly and shown to be essential in the lives of the church members and leaders. That's it. When Christ stands at the head of a church, all of the minor issues can go.
This is not to say that I've had any easy time dying to my preferences in honor of my convictions. There are still times when those around me probably think I'm being "super spiritual" during the music because I have to sit down and close my eyes, but I am actually asking God to help my heart because I'm so frustrated with singing another Hillsong tune instead of a familiar hymn and distracted by that girl whose hands are raised. (Truth be told, I'll probably always choose "Come Thou Fount" over "Mighty to Save," despite my greatest efforts to broaden my horizons.) But, He does help my heart. As I slowly loosen my hold on what I want, He shows me how the gospel can break down all sorts of barriers to give what is needed, namely God himself. I can love and serve at this church because it is His church and my preferences are secondary to His kingdom.
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