Giving

I was the recipient of a random act of kindness at school just before the break.  When I went to check my mailbox in the teacher's workroom, I found a single white envelope with my name on it.  I opened it to find the following note:

"Dear Mary Rachel,
I think you are a great teacher.  I am able to share this year and I want you to have this.  I hope you will use it to buy something just for you."

Inside were two $50 giftcards to JC Penny.  The note was typed and not signed, so I had no way of tracing the giver.

I think most of us (including me) miss the reason for the holidays.  Giving and receiving is wonderful, but we often forget why we do it.  Oh, we weave our way amongst the holiday crowds at the mall in search of the perfect gift for that "special someone," but isn't this often out of obligation?  Don't we sometimes give gifts at Christmas just because that's what we're supposed to do?  Not only was I humbled last week by this anonymous person's generous gift, but I was reminded of why we should give.  It's not because of any good in the person on the receiving end.  (I didn't deserve that gift any more than any other teacher at school).  It shouldn't be because giving makes us feel better about ourselves upon seeing the other person open our wonderfully creative and expensive gift.  (The person who blessed me with such kindness intentionally gave anonymously.)  It is not because we expect anything in return.  (I cannot reciprocate the random act of kindness because I cannot trace the giver.)  Giving should simply be done because we recognize a need and joyfully desire to meet it... just because we can.  Giving is about caring and sacrificing for another person, whether they deserve it or not.  Giving is about love.

Isn't that the example Christ set?

"Now the whole world will not be the same

Because Love has come down, and Grace has a name..." 

The Professional Life

Last night, we had some friends over who are in a very similar situation as us.  They are newly married, he is in school, she is working full-time and feeling overwhelmed, many of their friends have moved away... all factors which prompted a conversation about how different our lives are now than they were a year ago. 

In school, most of my decisions affected only me.  Will I sleep a little later and study less for that test?  Will I go to this meeting tonight or should I go to the gym instead?  One of the most important things about school- my grades- didn't matter to anyone but myself.  Now it seems that almost everything I do affects someone else, and often my decisions affect multiple people.  If I forget to tell my kids about a fire drill, someone throws a fit when the alarm sounds.  If I don't send a note home that gymnastics is tomorrow, someone wears a dress and off I go to round up some sort of alternative attire.  More importantly, if I run out of time to cover a subject, it's the kids who suffer.  Suddenly, every decision I make seems significant.  And now, not being perfect bothers me more than ever.

Furthermore, the community of friends which fell into my lap in college has proved to be much more difficult to acquire in a professional setting.  I have wonderful aides, and there are some wonderful people who work at my school, but despite the fact that I spend 8+ hours of my day with these people, I still feel as if I hardly know most of them.  There simply isn't time to have the kinds of life conversations that just happened during a study session or a late game night.  At work, there is only time to talk about the here and now- "Where does Seth need to be right now" or "Did Jason's homework folder make it back to school today?"

Finally, I always thought I was so busy in college and now I am realizing that I had no idea what busy was.  Usually the longest I sit down during the day is for about 15 minutes at lunch.  I have about seventeen things racing through my mind at any given time and also have a to-do list which literally never ends.  When I wake up, I think about school.  When I come home, I work on school.  And then what I used to consider my life (seeing friends, going to bible study, running, etc.) takes up the last and tiniest piece of the pie.  I'm hoping that will change to some degree as the year goes by and I feel a little less like I'm drowning.   

I love to walk around the campus of OU still.  There is something so stimulating about being at an institution of higher learning and thinking, "Great minds are being enriched here.  People go out from here to do things that change lives."  But there are also many things about my job which suit me.  Sometimes I complain about being busy, but honestly, I like being busy.  I love the challenge that my job brings because there is hope for overcoming obstacles, and it prevents boredom and monotony.  This may be one of the hardest and best things I've done.

Thought on School [4]

So, I'm not sure if all of this entry could really be considered "thoughts on school," but here goes my random collection of the thoughts that seem to run through my mind and get all smashed together these days...

It's been another crazy week at Roosevelt Elementary.  I am trying to think of a time in my life when I have ever been more tired, and I can't think of one.  This morning, I woke up at 9:30, and it was absolutely glorious.  I have been trying to go to bed early during the week, but my mind never stops thinking about school, so I often lay in bed wide awake despite the fact that my body is exhausted.  The weather is still too hot to go for a run right after school, so if I want to get my workout in for the day, I wake up at 5:00.  Usually by the time I am leaving school (a couple of hours after the kids have gone home), I am out of energy and patience.  Poor Andrew. 

Aside from being constantly tired and having about 6,000 things to do, I suppose one could say that things are going fairly well at school.  Having my own classroom has made a HUGE difference, and sometimes the kids are hilarious.  I find myself trying to stifle laughter sometimes when I should be telling the children "that's not how we act at school." 

Andrew is loving his new job.  I got to go see his office last night, and it is beautiful.  It seems like a much more relaxed environment than PayCom was, and I think he will be happy here.  He is also loving seminary.  Hearing him come home and talk about everything he is learning makes me wish that I was able to take seminary classes.  Andrew is very busy, too.  Sometimes I feel like we hardly see each other or know what is going on in each others' lives despite the fact that we live in the same house.   

Our friends, Adam and Erica, stayed with us last weekend because they are now living in Fort Worth.  It was fun to have them here.  This weekend, we are doing nothing!  Saturdays of waking up whenever we want, making pancakes, and watching college football are rare around here, and we are more thankful for them now than we ever have been.  Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE gamedays here in Norman?  The whole town just comes alive.  That will be one of the things I miss most when we move someday down the road.

Last Sunday, Tim (my brother) got in a terrible car accident in which he hydroplaned off the road, flipped his car, and broke out both windshields.  He walked away with a cut on his toe.  I was reminded of 1. how wonderful God is to take care of his people and 2. how thankful I am for my brother.

We have a mole living in our front yard.  It is funny but actually quite annoying because we keep finding random piles of dirt everywhere.  I also made these things to go in our "Sooner" guest room.  Neither of those things are very interesting notes to end on, but I think I am finished blogging for today.

In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel

Thoughts on School [3]

People are unbelievable.  Really.  Some are unbelievably rude, arrogant, etc.  But lately, I have been reminded of how unbelievably kind, encouraging, and uplifting people can be.  It's a great thing to remember.

The start of this school year has been hard.  I think I knew it would be, but knowledge doesn't always prepare you for the future.  The other day, my mom asked me if I've thought of a way to explain to people why special ed is so crazy, and after thinking about it for a minute, I answered, "I think because nothing ever goes the way you think it will."  This has been my story since the start of school, but I'm convinced that crazy does not necessarily means bad. I think I'm starting to become satisfied with crazy because:
1.  I'm realizing how much people care.  Some of the teachers at my school have really gone out of their way to encourage me and tell me I'm doing a great job (whether I am or not!).  These little words mean so much to me and help keep me going.  
2.  I'm becoming more flexible.  A personality test at inservice this week confirmed what I've always known about myself- that I am highly organized, obsessive, structured, and often controlling or unbending.  It's good for me to be stretched.
3.  I'm learning to let people help me.  (Yikes!)  I am discovering that I will literally drown and/or have a meltdown every day if I do not ask for help. 
4.  I'm realizing that I cannot be perfect- and it's okay not to be!

I'm finding it easier to have a positive attitude about school.  Despite the meltdowns of students, projectile vomiting, and quitting of one of my aides this week, I have been so much happier than I was at the beginning of the year.  All of this can only be attributed to Christ, who is the reason I know I will be okay.  :-) 

Other news, briefly:
-Andrew is at a church conference in North Carolina this weekend.  I'll miss him, but he has been looking forward to this thing for weeks now.  Matt Chandler, John Piper, and others will be there.  I'm a little jealous!
-Andrew starts a new job on Tuesday.  After starting the bus driver thing, another opportunity randomly landed upon his lap.  Andrew interviewed for the position and got it!  He'll be working about 27 hours each week for a company called QuiBids.  It's an online company, and Andrew will be doing product research.  He is much more excited to have this job than to be driving buses, and I'm excited about the fact that he could possibly end up working from home one day!
-We got to spend Labor Day weekend with my parents.  It is always so refreshing to be at their house!  We also saw Andrew's family on Monday.  A weekend of basically nothing was exactly what we needed.
-Last night, I started leading a bible study with two other girls from church.  We're studying Tim Keller's Counterfeit Gods.  I think it will be a good one!

In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel
 

Thoughts on School [2]

I think I could love my job. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but probably soon. 

This week for the first time, I have not felt like I am drowning.  I wouldn't say that I hated going to work before, but the feeling of never getting a chance to breathe did not exactly make me like what I was doing.  Thankfully, I got the support I needed in the addition of a new teacher's aide- my friend, Amanda Willis.  Having an extra person in the room makes everyone's day so much more manageable and enjoyable.  My students are charming, and actually getting to spend some time with them this week has changed my whole perspective on my job!  Oh, I still come every day and am ready to crash basically as soon as dinner is over.  It's exhausting to chase kids around all day and try to calm them when they are having meltdowns, but this week I have actually been happy that I took this job instead of just grateful to have a job.

One unfortunate thing I have noticed is that my work has made me extremely forgetful of anything not related to work.  Normally, I am very organized (too organized, maybe), but I have so much on my mind with school that I haven't left room for organization elsewhere I guess.  I forgot a friend's birthday this week.  :-(  I also forgot to buy insurance.  I woke up yesterday and realized that I hadn't had health insurance for over a week!  I meant to buy it awhile ago and then never thought about it until yesterday.  God is very gracious, and thankfully nothing happened!  I also forgot that we were getting cable for football season installed today.  I turned on the TV when I got home and could not figure out how we got so many channels. 

Now, off to my parents' house for the four day weekend!  Happy Labor Day, everyone!

In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel

Thoughts on School [1]

In the words of a fellow teacher friend, "Anyone who thinks they are getting an easy 8-3 job (as a teacher) has got a BIG surprise coming."  I didn't think this job would be easy, but I didn't even consider some of the challenges I have had to face already.  I am unsure of how to condense the past week into a blog without rambling about information that matters to no one but me, but in sum, I feel like I am drowning.  Thankfully, I have very few commitments outside of school because I come home and crash as early as possible every day.  Parents are crazy, scheduling is a nightmare, general education teachers are not as understanding of my students as I thought they would be, sharing a room is less than ideal, and I have eaten lunch once since I have been at school.  Word on the street is that I am supposed to be getting another aide for my classroom (Amanda Willis is actually a dear friend of mine!), which would be immensely helpful.  This gives me hope that things will get better.  To a small degree, they already have.  A friend asked me if I was prepared for the fact that things might not get better , and I said I thought so.  And then I said that I might "accidentally" get pregnant at the end of the year if that is the case. Just kidding.

There are some great things about my job, like my students.  No matter how stressed I am, I laugh every day because of them.

"Johnny, you have to tell Mrs. Fenrick when you need to go to the bathroom so you don't wet your pants."
"But I'm sorry!"  Can I have a gummy bear now?"

*Carl is practically yelling in the hall.*
"Carl, you have to turn your voice off when you are in the hallway."
"But I'm trying to tell you that I'll miss you when I get home!"

The teacher who shares my room is wonderful, and my aides are all very helpful and encouraging.  The administrators are great.  These are the things that help me get up in the morning. 

And Andrew.  That sweet man will be greatly rewarded in heaven!  On my first day, he woke up early to make me breakfast.  Yesterday, I came home to find all of the housework done and dinner ordered so that I didn't have to cook.  It sure feels nice to come home.

Speaking of Andrew, I have never seen him so excited about school.  He started his seminary classes on Monday and LOVED it.  The workload is extensive, but his professors all seem to be kind and godly men.  Andrew has never liked or (in his words) "been good at school", but he came home on Monday, excited about the semester ahead.  He said, "I've never sat through a class and been engaged the whole time like I was today."  As far as work goes, Andrew talked to the bus barn and will begin driving school buses again, most likely next week.  This was originally his last resort as far as work goes, but all seems to have worked out this way for our good because the bus barn is right around the corner from us, it pays well, has a perfect schedule for Andrew, and we'll have the same holidays! 

The next four years will probably be difficult for both of us in many ways that we haven't even begun to consider yet, but "the joy of the Lord is our strength."  

In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel

New Beginnings

Earlier this summer, I said I would revisit the idea of this being the best summer ever.  I have to conclude that this has been a great summer, but not the best summer ever.  Last summer was better.

School started on Thursday.  Wow.  People tell you that your first year is crazy and busy and stressful, but I don't think I quite realized how crazy and busy and stressful it would be.  I can't even really think of how to describe the past two days.  I had this wonderful plan and felt organized and ready going into Thursday.  And then the kids showed up and everything crashed and burned.  The short version is that I simply do not have enough help to run my classroom.  Currently, I have seven students and two aides, which probably sounds like a lot, but students with autism need extensive amounts of one-on-one time.  My students are fairly high-functioning, which means that they are supposed to be going into their general education classrooms for part of the day.  Which means that I have seven kiddos running about six different directions throughout the day.  The aides that I do have are wonderful, but none of us can be everywhere at once.  I was told by my assistant principal that I would be getting another aide, but because of budget cuts, the special education director for the district did not approve one for me.  So somehow, we're going to made things work with what we have.  I already do not have a planning period, but this probably means that I will also never eat lunch.  I just have to keep reminding myself that this job is not about me, but about the kids.  If I need to make sacrifices so that they will get a good education, so be it.  I also have to remember that there are plenty of people who are just wishing that they had any job right now, and I get to do what I love (at least I think I'll love it when things calm down!).  I'm sure that God is using this time to make me more like Himself, so I am very grateful for that.

Tim is back in Norman and stayed with us last week.  I'm not sure how happy he is to be back, but we were definitely glad to have him here!  I love Norman, but I really miss my family sometimes, and Tim is like having a piece of "home" here.  Also, my best childhood friend (Carolyn) was in OKC for the past week and a half on business, so I got to see a lot of her. Here we are in Bricktown one night:

The Fenrick side of the family has had some exciting things happen in the past few weeks.  Adam and Melissa (Andrew's brother and sister-in-law) are back in town after spending a year in Japan.  And, Angie (Andrew's sister) is pregnant with their third kid.  Happy news.

Andrew had his last day of work at Paycom yesterday and starts seminary on Monday!  I am thrilled for him because he has never been excited about school before, and I know that he is really looking forward to this.  I think we are only paying about $40 for all of his school this semester, which is such a blessing.  The Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma is paying for all of his classes and $100 of his books.  Andrew will be taking ten hours of classes, which include Biblical Hermeneutics, Old Testament I, Applied Ministry, and Something Else ["I can't remember what the last one was called." -Andrew].  He is fairly sure that he will be driving school buses for a job while he goes to school.  Several other job opportunities seemed promising, but none of them have worked out, so thankfully the bus barn is literally right around the corner from us, pays $11+/hour, ALWAYS needs bus drivers, and Andrew's license is still valid. 

Life is crazy, but we are blessed.

In Christ alone,
Mary Rachel